Memories
by Plandapattipus
Summary: She had forgotten all the good memories between them, but Nate is determined to recreate every single one. Serena/Nate


**Okay, so I don't know anything about brain tumors so this information is probably all wrong. I just really wanted to write something for Serena and Nate because I was just so sad they didn't end up together. **

..

Nate Archibald had been dating Serena Van Der Woodsen for a total of five months. Five months full of laughter, summer, and tickle fights. And he'd been loving her ever since he first met her and thought she had hair as bright and yellow as the sun.

Since he was seven and he decided to run away but didn't know where to go so he went to her place and they cuddled together as they slept and she told him that she'd always be there for him. Or when they built pillow forts in his room because her mom had left _again _and she had come to him, giving him a tiny peck on his cheek as thanks, and his heart had started beating faster and felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. And there were just so many _good _memories between them that he wanted to put them all in a bottle to keep forever so he'd never forget.

He should've known his happiness wouldn't last. Should've known that something _had _to happen to make it all vanish in a second. He could still remember the tears that trickled down her perfect, _so perfect, _face as she told him that she had a brain tumor.

_A fucking brain tumor. _

And all he could do was stare at her with wide eyes and pull her into a hug. He knew he should've reassured her and be the strong one for once, but that was all he could do at the moment. And later that night when he had so tenderly kissed her goodbye, as if kissing her any harder would break her, he went home and cried to himself.

Because he really didn't know what to do. Because he wanted to be with her forever and protect her from _everything _but he _couldn't._

And the next day, when he met her again at school, she seemed so perfectly _normal _and so much like the Serena that he knew, he almost thought he dreamt the whole thing. But he could see the physical strain on her face as she laughed and the way her eyes didn't shine as brightly as they used to.

And one day when she pulled him aside, she looked him straight in the eyes with her dull lifeless eyes and he realized just how much he loved this girl. He couldn't possibly begin to imagine his life without her.

"Nate…" She spoke with such a quiet whisper, it confused him. Where was the Serena that laughed and giggled and spoke with that confidence he loved.

He gave her a smile and grabbed her hand. He knew she had something important to say but he didn't want to hear it. He just wanted to hold her forever and be happy like this. That maybe if they never talked about the brain tumor, it would just go away on its own.

"Nate," she said more sternly, pulling her hand away. "We need to break up."

He turned to look at her, blue eyes furious. "I thought you were happy with me." He knew she wasn't breaking up with him because she was unhappy. He just didn't want to deal with this, he didn't want to admit to himself that she was actually…

"I have a brain tumor, Nate. I'm going to-"

He cut her off before she could finish the dreaded sentence. "No. No, you're not. We're going to find the best doctor and you'll be fine. And we'll be happy together and it's honestly not something you need to worry about. We'll be fine."

"I'm going to die, Nate." She said with more conviction.

"And you think breaking up with me is right? Serena, we'll get through this together" he said exasperatedly. "There will be more summers together and I won't let you do this to yourself." He tried to make her understand. He refused to believe that Serena, _his Serena, _was going to leave him after all they've been through together.

Serena gave him a sad look, not knowing how to continue. She wanted to stay with him. In fact, she _needed _to stay with him. She didn't know how she'd make it through her last few months without him but she wouldn't be that selfish. Because when she finally died, he'd be the one with the broken heart and he needed to start moving on while he could.

"I'm not going to let you break up with me. I love you."

"Nate, I love you too… That's why you need to move on."

Blue eyes stared at blue eyes. "I'm not letting you do this to yourself. Don't be so fucking courageous all the time and let me help you. I want to help you. Let me spend the last months with you happy." He pleaded hoping she'd understand because he needed this more than she did. _She can't leave him again._

She stared at him for a moment before grabbing his hand tight. And that was that.

..

Everything was fine for a month, until she began getting these small headaches and lightheadedness. And then, one day when she was cuddling on the couch with Nate, it just happened. She began shivering and she blacked out for a few seconds.

Blinking her eyes, she stared into Nate's worried eyes and he immediately asked if she was okay. She gave him a small smile and told him that she just got headaches sometimes. Not convinced, he held onto her for a few more seconds before dropping it and giving her a comforting squeeze on her hand.

Because what else could he do but be strong for her?

..

"Are you happy right now?" Nate asked as they were walking down the streets holding hands.

She didn't know how to answer that. Of course she was happy, Nate had been absolutely perfect to her, but her headaches had been getting worse and she knew her time was coming.

"Yes." Just this one time she would pretend that everything was alright and she wasn't going to die. After all this time, she had begun to realize that lying was the only way to continue their happiness.

Nate just didn't understand. How a beautiful, amazing, _alive _Serena who laughs at everything and was just so perfect because of all her imperfections could be dying.

Could be leaving this world in a couple of months and leaving him alone _again. _Even though this time she didn't have a choice, it still hurt to see her running away again. He still remembered the day he lost his virginity to her, she had just felt so _good _and god was she beautiful. And then he woke up and she was gone. Gone from his life and his heart shattered because she had left him even though he loved her.

And these small moments and smiles together is all he'll have left after she's gone. So he grabs her and kisses her. Relishes in the fact that she's still with him _now_ and he's not going to let her leave him again.

..

Nate's nervous. He's never felt this way before. Serena's in the surgery room undergoing an intensive surgery because they actually found a cure for the brain tumor. _She's going to be alive. _Alive to spend the rest of her life with him and he thinks that he's going to marry her. He's so happy that when the surgery finishes he rushes into the room without anyone's permission. His Serena is okay and alive.

So when he runs to her bed, eyes glowing, he immediately grabs her hand and kisses it. He begins rambling about how they're going to be fine and okay and nothing can tear them apart now but she just stares at him. Stares at him as if she doesn't know who he is but he doesn't care, she's alive and his.

The doctor comes in and he ushers him to the side to speak with him. But he's so _fucking _happy and why can't this wait until he's done being happy and being with Serena to tell him this.

"She's going to be fine," he says and Nate feels like there's going to be a resounding "but" to this.

"But because the brain tumor was so big, we had to remove part of her brain."

He doesn't understand. Serena is fine, he doesn't get what the problem is.

"So she doesn't remember anything, and she will never get those memories back."

Nate turns to look at Serena and she looks back at him, except this time Nate isn't happy anymore. All the _good _memories between them are lost and never to be remembered again except in his own mind and he can't believe that all that history is lost between them.

And now he really wishes he did put all his memories into a bottle because they're all gone.


End file.
